These are a few of my favorite things: Reflections on 2015

Hello readers! (This is for all 3 of you!)

Well as we are winding down 2015, many people – myself included – like to reflect on the happenings of the past 365 days and try to come up with a few lessons learned that we can maybe apply to the next year. As I’m sitting here typing this blog, which I started (sort of as a resolution itself) 364 days ago, I can’t help but realize, I’m not much for the blogging. I really just have a hard time sitting down to write something worthwhile  – or that I’ll think anyone else would find worthwhile  – regularly. Most of the time, since I write as part of my job, I have a hard time thinking of anything else to say. Plus, I really just don’t enjoy writing in and of itself anyway. It’s just something I do. Thus, I apologize to the one person out there who may have been floundering for the past few months waiting for the latest revelation to be released (ha!) but I doubt I’ll continue doing this very often. Perhaps every once in a while if I want to explore some thoughts and feel the need to share them again you’ll see a new post. Since no one has been asking me when I’ll post I doubt this blog will be missed terribly.

Regardless, I feel the need to finish 2015 with a post since I started the year with one! So here it goes!

Realizations on what makes me happy:

1.) I love to travel! Seeing new places and experiencing new sights, smells and flavors excites me. I have been able to do a lot of that this past year, and I’m grateful. I am equally as excited to announce that my partner, Mike, and I have declared 2016 to be “the year of adventure.” Stay tuned.

2.) I love sleeping in my own bed. As much as I like to go away, I really love being at home. I like my bed, my sheets, my pillow, how dark my bedroom is, how quiet my house is at night, how pleasant the stirring of the fan is overhead, and I love having my partner beside me. Simply serene. Plus, I like tucking my boys (my furrbabies) in at night; they don’t mind either. As much as they’d like to sleep in our bed, too, they also seem to enjoy cuddling up together in their little bed. They are so well-behaved. They are just little treasures. I digress. Anyway, getting ready for bed around our house is a comfy, cozy ritual that I enjoy.

3.) My parents are (still) wonderful. They’ve had a few trials this year but they’ve managed to pull through as they always do admirably. Plus, they’ve never balked at the notion of keeping my dogs when I’ve gone out of town, and they are just so helpful ALL of the time! I’m lucky. I love them. Heck! I love all of my family! #grateful

4.) I’ve also chosen a remarkable partner! I continue to be amazed by his work ethic; he’s a provider and I’m fortunate that he is. We’re going to be fine…no matter what. Plus, he likes my graying hair (Thank goodness!) and it’s adorable to witness his growing adoration of “the boys.” (So cute!)  #happy

5.) I need not worry/stress over work-related stuff.  It’s all self-induced stress anyway. Now, to be clear, I REALLY LOVE what I do! I guess I’m trying to find the (elusive) balance between caring but not caring too much because I can stress out. Anyway, I know many people struggle with this, and knowing that is somewhat comforting, too. Since 2015 was about exploration for me I have tried a few different approaches to work based on how my colleagues approach their work and I’ve finally come to terms with what works for me, and I am so thankful I’ve found this happy place! I hope I can hang out in this space for while and grow from here.

Anyway, “We all make our own happiness!” ~ my mom

This leads me to…

6.) I’ve got skills! I may forget this sometimes and let myself feel like I’m unworthy of the position I’ve earned so that I can do what I LOVE but I’ve actually got skills and can contribute something worthwhile. (However, while attempting to contribute something, I often need to go back to #5.) I’ll use these skills and do what I love for as long as I can and then if/when this chapter ends, I’ll just do something else! (See #3 and #4…I/we will be fine.)

Do I sound flippant? Privileged? Maybe. I don’t know if I’m flippant but I am trying to give myself a break. (And you should, too!) I already am aware of my privilege but there’s not much I can do about that other then use it to benefit others…and I am…or at least, I try to do that…every day.

Well, I suppose I could keep thinking and writing but I’ll just wrap this up. These are a few of my favorite realizations of the year. I hope you take a minute to be introspective on your year, and I hope that you use that time to your benefit.

May you find what brings you joy and may you be able to grow your own happy! I wish you all the happiness you can handle in 2016!

It’s a Wonderful World

Well, we did it! We took a trip to Spain! A few months ago I made my first post on this blog about exploration, and for some time now my partner and I have discussed planning this trip, and even though we weren’t sure how it would work out, we did it!  We hiked for five days on El Camino de Santiago. This is also known as “The Way” or “The Way of Saint James.” (Look it up. It’s a thing.) There’s also more than one “way.” (I may write more on this in the future.) We did part of “The French Way.”

Along “The Way,” we had the great fortune of good weather and great company. We met many interesting people from all over the world. We survived the strenuous uphill climbs, blisters, knee strain and general fatigue; we made it without being able to speak much Spanish or being familiar with the towns along the trail; we made it without having pre-booked a place to stay each night on the trail and we still managed to find a nice place to sleep without any problem. Now some will say we were lucky; some will say that we went at the right time of the year. Some may even say that God was protecting us. I don’t know. All of that may be true. I’m just glad we did  it and we made it! I also know we could not have done it alone.

My reflection after this trip has revealed for me the astonishing power in the kindness of strangers. I mean there were so many times that taxi drivers, bus drivers, metro workers (Yes; we took all modes of transportation at times.), restaurant workers and especially people who let us stay in their homes could have taken advantage of us; they could have taken more money than was due for their service or they could have sent us somewhere we didn’t want to go…or worse. But they didn’t! Each time I was skeptical of their words, their actions or their motives to assist us in various situations, I was amazed at how honest and how helpful every person was.

My experience on this trip has lifted my faith in humanity because of the good we have witnessed. As crazy as things are portrayed in the news and as terrible as some people’s actions can be at times, most people typically are just trying to live their lives honestly, and I think most people are understanding and are helpful and are willing to do the right thing when they are given the chance.

My partner and I have been living in an area of town that has had a reputation for being “unsafe.” It is an area that has been blighted by poverty and crime in the past. However, it is also an area that houses people who care. The people who have lived here for years and the people like us who are fairly new to the area all want good things to happen here. Now I am not naive. I know there are some people who don’t care or who may not do the right thing…whatever that is. At least my experience so far has been that our neighbors are warm and wonderful people; furthermore, we know their names. Do you know your neighbors’ names? Do you talk with them and share with them and discuss what you both want your neighborhood to become? We do. And we do this in a place that is supposedly unsafe. Again, whether home or abroad, as crazy as things are portrayed in the news and as terrible as some people’s actions can be at times, most people typically are just trying to live their lives honestly, and I think most people are understanding and are helpful and are willing to do the right thing when they are given the chance.

Maybe you don’t have to go to a different country to learn this lesson, but it’s cool if you do. (I highly recommend it.) I think experiencing different places and people is worthwhile. There are always lessons to learn wherever you are. It’s a wonderful world.

You Are the Company You Keep

On Twitter last week @SharpHeels tweeted:

Surround Yourself With People Who are Better Than You. They Will Make You Better.

I LOVE THIS! And just to give you some context, you should know that I changed jobs last year. I have been working as a new faculty member at an institution for about eight months now, and I am constantly surrounded by people who I think are smarter, more skilled and better prepared than me to do my job. Regularly I’ve felt like a small fish in a big pond. I mean, it’s hard not to compare ourselves to those around us. Just looking at number of publications alone (something that is valued in my field), I may as well be drowning in an ocean of high achievers! However, instead of perpetually spiraling into a state of despair or letting myself feel overwhelmed with all I lack, I have been reminded a time or two of this one simple fact…they hired ME! (HA! Suckers.) No really; they hired ME! Out of all of the other fish in the sea (a.k.a. job applicants) they saw something special in ME!

I guess I do have a few things going for me. I may be inexperienced but I am motivated! I may not have all of the know-how but I am open to learning! I may be young but I am energetic! Plus I am surrounded by all of these people who are smart, skilled and experienced! Instead of feeling inept, I remind myself that this is a good thing!  Even Warren Buffett, is quoted as saying “It’s better to hang out with people better than you.” He gets it! We can improve ourselves – our knowledge, our skills, even our circumstances – by being around people we admire and want to emulate.

Personal development guru, Jim Rohn, has been saying for years that we are “the average of the 5 people we spend the most time with.” I don’t know about the science behind this determination but the essence of the idea makes sense to me. Based on personal observation and being familiar with a few behavioral theories I think the following is true:

We tend to mimic the behaviors of the family and friends who are closest to us as we grow and develop until we reach a point of reflective contemplation and we decide if we want to change or maintain that behavior. It is also true that we often try to model the individuals who we admire; we tend to consider others’ opinions about ourselves more thoughtfully and we may believe those opinions about ourselves depending on what others tells us – for better or for worse – especially if we hear it often enough; and we tend to pursue the endeavors that those closest to us support.

Why not then do as Wilfred Peterson suggests? (Refer to the image above.)

It may be uncomfortable to be surrounded by people who are better than you. Particularly since we are often taught in American culture to be the best and our successes are typically rewarded when that perceived success is achieved. What happens next? Some people can ride the wave of their success for years; some simply can’t. Regardless, being surrounded by people who can help you achieve new goals or foster new dreams is a wonderful – albeit sometimes humbling – experience.

For me, just within the past three days, I have had to admit I don’t know how to do something every single day!  (3 for 3!) I could easily let myself feel unworthy of my position. Luckily though I am surrounded by some kind and understanding people. For instance, over the last week, I have been surrounded with esteemed colleagues who have taught me so much simply by observing their encounters with others. There was a group leader who demonstrated profound patience and a quiet calm in the midst of a crisis (I want to be like that!); a community worker who courageously presented information to a group of academicians with professional-level preparation (I want to be that poised!); a senior-level physician who listened to a junior faculty member’s ideas and concerns with openness and compassion (I want to do that!); and another senior faculty member who has a history of grant funded research showed some interest and took a leap of faith and offered to collaborate with a new faculty member… who happens to be me! (I want to be able to pay it forward one day!) We don’t often applaud these little moments because they are not big successes by some standards, but I realize I have something to learn from each of these encounters. I am trying my best to absorb all of these lessons because I want to be better!

There will be growing pains but think of the tremendous things you will be able to accomplish once you become smarter, stronger, BETTER!

Youth is (often) Wasted on the Young

“Youth is wasted on the young.” I have heard this before. A version of this is stated in the classic film, It’s a Wonderful Life. I “Googled” who said it while prepping this post, and apparently credit can go to George Bernard Shaw and/or Oscar Wilde. That aside, the other night I was out having dinner and drinks with a few girl friends. As many women do, we took turns sharing our critiques of our bodies and yearning for our youth. Now keep in mind some of these ladies are only in their mid-twenties while I’m in my early thirties, and we had a representative of the 40-somethings. As you can imagine, when a 20-something says she is worrying about her wrinkles and has started using eye cream, she gets a head shake and a smirk from me and then gets a verbal “Oh honey, Puh-lease!” from our 40-something friend. This all happens in the round. I have grown keenly aware of the need to love our bodies and ourselves. It goes downhill from here, right?! HA! (I’m just kidding.) Seriously, though, many of us need to stop beating ourselves up for how we are falling apart and start appreciating what we can do with what we have now.

Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter. ~ Mark Twain

Recently my partner (husband) and I were discussing aging; he had spent a week NOT playing basketball or running or lifting weights – things he typically does on a regular basis. He had to take a week off from his regular activities because he had played in a flag football tournament the weekend before and he severely sprained his ankle. This time off was needed for his body to recover but was probably a bit hard on his mind and/or ego. He and I have both had to face the facts that we are not in our teens or 20’s anymore, and  we cannot recover as quickly from short, wild bursts of physical exhaustion; we now need to pace ourselves in order to maintain the level of fitness we find acceptable for our health and wellbeing.

I’m finding more relevance to the saying, “use it or lose it.”  You should know that I grew up heavily involved in ballet.  Over the past decade I have spent time off and on in the studio – slowly decreasing my involvement. In years past I could take time off and easily whip back into shape when I wanted.  However, in the last 6-8 months I have only taken a couple of classes, and now that I’m trying to be in another production this month, I’m finding the day or two of rehearsal each week is tough on my body.  I’ve lost a significant amount of my flexibility and stamina, and I’m battling soreness and blisters.  Even though I have been doing more yoga and walking, clearly I need to do more.  With all that said, while we are working on keeping ourselves in shape, we are also struggling with appreciating the condition our bodies are currently in and what they can still consistently do for us.  It may be challenging to appreciate our bodies but we don’t want our youth to have been wasted on our younger selves!  As much as I’d like to wish I still had the figure and fitness of my 20-year-old self, I’m making peace with my 30-something self. At the very least, I’m appreciating that I am still active and doing activities I enjoy.

Now let me drive home my point. You may have seen this video I’ve included. It’s the story of a teen girl who runs long-distance track events despite having MS. It’s about 12 minutes, but I’d encourage you to take the time to watch it now.

 

 

I think you see my point. Of course this girl has a debilitating condition which elevates the urgency she feels to push her body now and to appreciate her body for what it can do for as long as it will cooperate with her, but she gets it! Her youth will not be wasted! Do we all need to have MS to appreciate our bodies? I certainly hope not! Maybe reading this post or watching that video is the swift kick in the pants you need to snap out of the critical attitude you’ve developed about your body and the aging process. Do something to feel fit and healthy today. Move, stretch and push yourself, but then relax; throw away the magnifying mirror. You can use it one last time to lean in and give your reflection a kiss, but then toss that sucker in the trash and give yourself a hug.

 

Disclaimer: I recognize that I am an able-bodied, fairly healthy person and I’ve undoubtedly written from this perspective.

The Conflict: What You Know vs. What You Feel

I was recently talking to a friend who shared a decision she was struggling with because she knew what she should do but she was afraid to do it. I was thinking about a time in my life when I was praying and journaling daily for God to show me the path I should take – to guide me and to lead me – even though I already knew what I needed to do in this particular situation; basically I was delaying the inevitable; I knew what needed to be done; I knew I needed to end a relationship but I didn’t want to do that; that was scary. It was scary because it put me back out into the “unknown.” It put me back into the place of not knowing who I’d be with or where I would be and I savored the security of what was “known” even if it was not the best thing for me. It is funny how many of us will settle for the familiar even when it is not helpful.

At that time in my life when I was daily praying for “God to show me the way,” I really should have been praying for “God to give me the courage to do what I know is best.” I had been shown “the way;” I had been guided. I was experiencing anxiety and bouts of heartburn; I was even pulling out my hair (literally) and somehow I rationalized that this was par for the course because he was a nice guy and a good person and I thought we’d figure things out somehow. Even though he was – and I’m sure still is – a good person, he just wasn’t right for me. I knew deep down this relationship wasn’t sustainable, but even though I’d been praying so often for “God to show me the way,” I was scared of the insecurity of not being in a steady relationship and so I was too scared to ask for the courage to let go of this relationship. I was constantly asking “What should I do?” even though I already knew deep down that I should let go and move on, but I was held back by my emotions and selfish desires.

What is the hard thing that you are too scared to ask yourself to do? Maybe it is not a relationship, but maybe you need to let go of self-doubt or ego. These are difficult to do without. Even though they are opposites, each one can hold us back. It is sometimes hard to be introspective and brutally honest with ourselves especially because we can likely talk ourselves into or out of almost anything that makes us uncomfortable. But isn’t there a saying about “doing the right thing even when it’s the hard thing that’s important.”  (I just Google’d it. Yes. There are thousands of versions of this saying, so clearly we as humans recognize the value of this concept.)

Now I’m not trying to stir up a bunch of beehives, and please don’t try to hold me accountable to the consequences of decisions you make after reading this post. (Ha!) However, if something unexpectedly great comes from asking yourself to do something bold, then I absolutely want to know about it!

A friend of mine recently posted a graphic on Instagram that says the following: Your worst battle is between what you know and what you feel. I love this! Plus it really struck a chord with me since I saw it right after having the conversation with my friend about the decision with which she was wrestling; it just really got me thinking about this situation, and I’m confident we all find ourselves in this predicament at one point or another…and likely repeatedly!  If you are really truly, madly, deeply honest with yourself, what is the question that you need to ask? It’s the question that you are terrified of hearing the answer to …because you most likely already know the answer; you just don’t want to face that reality. Questions could range from “Should I find another job?” “Should I go back to school?” or “Should I call my mom/dad?” to “Do I need help with this addiction?” “Am I being selfish in this situation?” or in terms of witnessing an injustice, “Should I say something?”

I don’t know what your question is nor do I have your answers. However, I would encourage you to be brave and to explore what you feel and what is holding you back from being your best self. I think if you are honest with yourself, you know the answer to your question and you simply need the courage to recognize it and to accept it. There is something about having a vision for our lives and verbalizing what we envision that helps it to manifest. What do you need to say or do to make that vision a reality? It is often said that we are our own worst enemy; I’d encourage you not to hold yourself back any longer. What question are you not asking yourself? What do you need to do in order to be the best you? Then, when you are your best, you can help others. Besides, what purpose are you serving by holding back? What good does that do?

And now I’m going to say what you KNOW you should do even though you may not FEEL like doing it. Do the right thing even when it is the hard thing.

Exploration – To Wander and To Wonder

I have not been one to set resolutions each year; however, I do like to put forth an intention for my year. In the past, I have challenged myself to shake off old relationships that were holding me emotionally hostage. That year I even selected “Dog Days Are Over” by Florence & The Machine as my theme song to energize me as needed throughout the year. Another year I determined that I would live more fearlessly and act like the empowered woman I wanted to be. That year my theme song was “Girl on Fire” by Alicia Keys. I highly recommend selecting a theme song; it really does re-energize you and trigger your connection to your intention if you let it. (What should I pick this year? After you read the rest of this, let me know if you have a song suggestion.) Anyway, I’d like to attribute my attitude that year to helping me meet my husband. But that’s probably another story and may appear in another post. This year, on New Year’s Day, as I was waiting for my black-eyed peas and broccoli cornbread to cook, I was lying on the couch for a moment letting my mind wander. Then I had this series of thoughts.

I like the saying “Not all who wander are lost.” Isn’t it interesting how wander and wonder have just one letter difference yet mean very different things; but perhaps the meanings complement each other. What if the saying was “all who wonder are not lost” to suggest that those of us who question and challenge and change (hopefully for the better) ourselves are not losing who we are but are becoming the person we are intended to be. (Hey! that’s pretty deep! Good for you!)

Then, I thought, I’d like to wander a bit and do some traveling this year. (We are planning a short trip to Spain this year, so that’s fitting.) I also value the idea of being in a state of wonderment and being fully present and filled with gratitude wherever you are with what you have in that moment. I’m looking for inspiration to paint something to hang in my office; maybe I could do an abstract and paint the words “wander” and “wonder” so I’m reminded of this desire? Is this really the intention I want to set for 2015? Well, those are sentiments I’d like to maintain beyond this year, so why limit myself? Instead, how about “exploration”? YES! That’s a good one! Let this year be about exploration!

I’ve been toying with the idea of starting a blog so that’s a form of self-exploration and trying something new. Like I said, I am already planning a trip with my husband, so we’ll be physically exploring another country this year, so that’s covered. I wonder what else I can explore this year? I’d like to explore the benefits of yoga for my mind and body this year. I’d like to explore the ideas of a few new books; I may explore gardening…but maybe not. Well, that’s plenty to get started. That settles it; for me, 2015 will be about exploration!

What will this year be about for you? Would you like to set an intention? I would encourage you to try it. It feels a bit less task-oriented than writing a list of resolutions; some people may cringe at the thought of being too vague and not have a list of measurable objectives, but we want to accomplish this goal, right? I like that an intention lessens some of the self-imposed pressures of many resolutions. Since our attitude influences our behaviors anyway – something I’ve learned in my academic exploration of health behavior – then I suggest setting an attitudinal intention and let that guide your behaviors for this year. Hopefully you’ll pick a positive, healthy attitude that will help guide your healthy decisions for this year and lead you on your path to self-improvement. What will your path look like? You decide; you can also decide to make it up as you go. After all remember that “all who wander/wonder are not lost.”